Upon walking through the arrivals sliding glass doors in Pearson’s airport, I felt the air being sucked from my lungs. This time, the experience was less acute than back in January. Four months into it and I’m still shocked that I live in Canada.
Returning to Toronto from my first trip back to the states showed me that while most of our belongings were unpacked long ago, my emotions have remained in a box.
Less than a week later, I ended up in the ER with James Robert. Alone with him in the waiting room for 5 hours (poor Mat was rushing back from a weekend trip) I was hit with the same physical sensation. Gratefully, James Robert was OK. But I was no longer able to deny how painfully I miss Charlotte.
This transition has many positive attributes. I’ve met wonderful people whom I hope will become close friends. I’ve connected with resources for mothers that exceeded my expectations. And I’ve enjoyed staying home with James Robert more than words.
But moving is hard. Heck, lets be honest, change in general is hard for me. I miss my friends, I miss familiarity, I miss our doctors who made me feel safe and cared for, I miss my house (can I still call it that even though someone else is currently remodeling it beyond my recognition?).
Acknowledging the difficulties along with appreciating the positives of this adventure presents a more complete picture, not only to the audience reading this, but also to myself. It’s funny that I verbalized my feelings of missing home many times without actually processing them.
So here I am, four months into our adventure unpacking the most difficult box. Tears yes. But this is what it’s all about. This is the part when life is embraced. This is the part where hope bubbles up. This is the part that growth accelerates. This is the part when lessons are revealed:
-Put yourself out there. A. Lot.
-Authenticity is contagious.
-Anonymity has value; there are hundreds of chances for first impressions and clean slates.
-Sitting in stillness provides respite from change.
-Your car, your house, your wardrobe, your job may change… so much so that you feel your identity is blurred. Comfort is internal.
-Be your own best friend (until you make some in your new home).
-FaceTime is vital for survival
I’m tucking these lessons away. Next time I unpack boxes, perhaps the load will be a bit lighter.